I won't pretend I'm a hardworking person. Maybe I once was, but right now I'm lazing on my bed, trying to find things to do which would postpone my interview preparation and studying of maths. Seriously, I hate number patterns. They are the most useless. I've decided I'll start doing those stuff only at 2pm! Ha! But probably I'll renegade on my promise to myself and start even later. Ah well. I'm gonna see if my bro's up for another game.
Btw the time zone's wrong again. It's the next morning, on sat. And it's 1036am. Geez.
Friday, September 30, 2011
An update on the current state of my ordinary life
Well, exams are almost over - I just have 2 more to overcome. I'm really not confident in my performance, I have to admit, especially for GP and geography (the last question. It was on a case study of TNCs which I didn't have time to research on, so I just spouted anything and everything I could come up with, in the hope that I might get at least 1 mark. Though I don't think the teacher is so easily hoodwinked. But you can't blame a girl for trying, can you?)
For GP, I practically had no examples, and I think my writing style sucked. Bigtime. Imagine my utter apprehension when I emerged from the classroom overhearing that most of my classmates had chosen a certain question because of notes the teacher had given. I'm really worried that I'll be the worst-scoring; having low marks and being the bottom doesn't do wonders for one's self-confidence, after all. I generally like to think that my paper 2 was better, but after the unexpectedly abysmal marks I got for the last practice.. I don't know. I can only hope.
And for geography, I feel that that was such a pity. I'd been so prepared for certain things! But no, they had to ask that accursed question on the only topic I didn't have time to study in. Really, I was strapped for time. I only managed to start studying Geog 2 days before the paper. Not 2 full days. One was the morning before my GP paper (on wed. Thu was my Geog) and when I came back from the exams in the evening. The second was in the morning just before my physics paper, and in the 2 hours just before my Geog paper. I had no other option. I was so prepared for physical Geog, and certain topics in human geog,too! Curse the setters of the paper.
Oh yeah, to make matters worse, Geog was on the same day as physics! So yeah, I was really stressed and anxious. I couldn't eat lunch on wed- my attempt led to me vomiting. I was irritable on thu. That's why I hate exams.
Today was Chinese paper. It was the earliest I've ever been dismissed from school! ^^ It wasn't too hard, except maybe the front part where I had to guess at the meaning of the words. Passing is a sure thing, but I'm worried about getting an E grade.
So now all that's left is math and Chem. I really need to pass. I don't wanna be retained. Especially chem. But I'm worried for my math too because there is a topic I haven't managed to cover (sequences and series, which is incredibly annoying because I hate dealing with number patterns). I suppose I'll have to begin tomorrow.
Just now I was checking my email, and I'm unpleasantly reminded of my impending internship interview.. It's on next Wednesday, just a day after my last exam. This means that I'll have to start preparing and gathering information earlier, maybe tomorrow too! I'm really hoping mom can help me with this one. I have never gone through such an experience before. I'm worried there'll be sarcastic or scary teachers around.. T.T
This afternoon was spent playing ps2 games with my brother and loading up my brain with fanfiction. I finished a hikaru no go one, read a deathnote AU one (and they censored all the lemony goodness, which I'm NOT happy about. Honestly! The author said I could find the link of the uncensored one but it's not there! Depriving me of my daily dose of lemonade, how dare you! I'm gonna suffer from lemons withdrawal syndrome, I tell you!) and found a deathnote-cum-code geass one(brilliant! Two geniuses interacting, and there's the promise of a bit of shonen ai! Though it's not what's important about the story). It is really interesting to see what will happen. As you may know, light has a god-complex, while lelouch believes in a hero, a ruler, somebody who is human and noble. I bet the latter's an atheist.
They both have the same ideal- justice. And their methods of operation are complete opposites - light as Kira was not the name he gave himself, and he preferred to remain obscure, while lelouch as zero is dramatic and regularly appears in the media, monopolizing the spotlight like an experienced politician. How will two very different people interact? Will they work together or against each other? And how will they choose to battle it out? It's really a plot which piques my interest. I'm hoping the author's muse pays him/her a visit soon. The story hasn't really gotten into the swing of things yet.
Well, I know I've been babbling quite a bit (who am I kidding; I've been babbling for about 10min!!) and I really ought to sleep now. Though I often wonder, is the blog's timezone set differently from my own? because it's 10.21pm here. I wonder how to set the correct time? (excuse me for being a noob!)
For GP, I practically had no examples, and I think my writing style sucked. Bigtime. Imagine my utter apprehension when I emerged from the classroom overhearing that most of my classmates had chosen a certain question because of notes the teacher had given. I'm really worried that I'll be the worst-scoring; having low marks and being the bottom doesn't do wonders for one's self-confidence, after all. I generally like to think that my paper 2 was better, but after the unexpectedly abysmal marks I got for the last practice.. I don't know. I can only hope.
And for geography, I feel that that was such a pity. I'd been so prepared for certain things! But no, they had to ask that accursed question on the only topic I didn't have time to study in. Really, I was strapped for time. I only managed to start studying Geog 2 days before the paper. Not 2 full days. One was the morning before my GP paper (on wed. Thu was my Geog) and when I came back from the exams in the evening. The second was in the morning just before my physics paper, and in the 2 hours just before my Geog paper. I had no other option. I was so prepared for physical Geog, and certain topics in human geog,too! Curse the setters of the paper.
Oh yeah, to make matters worse, Geog was on the same day as physics! So yeah, I was really stressed and anxious. I couldn't eat lunch on wed- my attempt led to me vomiting. I was irritable on thu. That's why I hate exams.
Today was Chinese paper. It was the earliest I've ever been dismissed from school! ^^ It wasn't too hard, except maybe the front part where I had to guess at the meaning of the words. Passing is a sure thing, but I'm worried about getting an E grade.
So now all that's left is math and Chem. I really need to pass. I don't wanna be retained. Especially chem. But I'm worried for my math too because there is a topic I haven't managed to cover (sequences and series, which is incredibly annoying because I hate dealing with number patterns). I suppose I'll have to begin tomorrow.
Just now I was checking my email, and I'm unpleasantly reminded of my impending internship interview.. It's on next Wednesday, just a day after my last exam. This means that I'll have to start preparing and gathering information earlier, maybe tomorrow too! I'm really hoping mom can help me with this one. I have never gone through such an experience before. I'm worried there'll be sarcastic or scary teachers around.. T.T
This afternoon was spent playing ps2 games with my brother and loading up my brain with fanfiction. I finished a hikaru no go one, read a deathnote AU one (and they censored all the lemony goodness, which I'm NOT happy about. Honestly! The author said I could find the link of the uncensored one but it's not there! Depriving me of my daily dose of lemonade, how dare you! I'm gonna suffer from lemons withdrawal syndrome, I tell you!) and found a deathnote-cum-code geass one(brilliant! Two geniuses interacting, and there's the promise of a bit of shonen ai! Though it's not what's important about the story). It is really interesting to see what will happen. As you may know, light has a god-complex, while lelouch believes in a hero, a ruler, somebody who is human and noble. I bet the latter's an atheist.
They both have the same ideal- justice. And their methods of operation are complete opposites - light as Kira was not the name he gave himself, and he preferred to remain obscure, while lelouch as zero is dramatic and regularly appears in the media, monopolizing the spotlight like an experienced politician. How will two very different people interact? Will they work together or against each other? And how will they choose to battle it out? It's really a plot which piques my interest. I'm hoping the author's muse pays him/her a visit soon. The story hasn't really gotten into the swing of things yet.
Well, I know I've been babbling quite a bit (who am I kidding; I've been babbling for about 10min!!) and I really ought to sleep now. Though I often wonder, is the blog's timezone set differently from my own? because it's 10.21pm here. I wonder how to set the correct time? (excuse me for being a noob!)
Friday, September 23, 2011
Depression alert! Depression alert! Do you copy? Depression alert!
Yes, as my overly ridiculous and dramatic title suggests (or screams, in this case) I am depressed. I feel irritated. I feel lethargic and inertic(that's a word I made up-it means full of inertia; not wanting to start moving, though not minding much when finally succeeding in moving). Every time I think of more torturous studying, I want to cry; it's gotten worse and worse since my last post. I don't know what's happened to me. I used to enjoy studying so much- now it's an activity I have more than enough of, that stops me from my beloved activities like lazing around and reading fanfiction and other stuff. Now I'm on my way to tuition, and I'm feeling terrible. It's the only reason I'm leaving my house today, else I'd be in my room the whole day, trying to focus on studying my ass off. I want to scream; I want to blame somebody for putting me through this; I want to cry. However, my character is not one which allows for that. I almost wish for the exams to be over already, except I still have something unpleasant awaiting me.
I might be on top of my studies if I can focus; that's what's torturing and tormenting me greatly.
My dear, when I am gone, please immortalise me in stone and marble, and let me live on in the hearts of people, the stories on their lips, and the strength of their belief. Scatter my ashes in the wind, but let me keep for myself, a peaceful little corner of England(why England? I have no idea. Harry potter, maybe? Well. That destroyed the mood pretty effectively, I'll bet.) Fare thee well, true love of mine, and make me a cambric shirt. Parseley, sage, Rosemary and thyme.
I might be on top of my studies if I can focus; that's what's torturing and tormenting me greatly.
My dear, when I am gone, please immortalise me in stone and marble, and let me live on in the hearts of people, the stories on their lips, and the strength of their belief. Scatter my ashes in the wind, but let me keep for myself, a peaceful little corner of England(why England? I have no idea. Harry potter, maybe? Well. That destroyed the mood pretty effectively, I'll bet.) Fare thee well, true love of mine, and make me a cambric shirt. Parseley, sage, Rosemary and thyme.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
This is not just dramatics..
I think I'm feeling the equivalent of a mid-life crisis. Firstly, let's explain what a mid-life crisis is. It's when you suddenly realize that you have not much time to live ie you suddenly look at the calendar and go 'oh no! It's the year 2011 and I'm already 60!!' or something like that. You realize that you are running out of time. What have you actually been doing the last 20-30 years?!! Was there, really, anything meaningful? Then you realise, 'no!! All I've been doing, I can't remember much, but that's because it's always been meaningless'. So you panick. Where have all my dreams gone? Oh no! I don't have enough time to do all, and prepare myself before the unpleasant outcome of dying.
So, why do I say I have that equivalent, when I'm only 16? (yes, I'm merely a petulant teen) well, replace 'dying' with 'promos', 'working' with 'playing the day frivolously away', 'looking at the calendar' with 'looking at the clock and then the calendar, then the exam schedule', and 'where have all my dreams gone' with 'where have all my carefully hatched study plans and goals gone'; you'll just see the similarity. Only, the sudden realization that hits one in the gut like a sucker punch to a ninny stays unpleasantly the same. Life doesn't seem to ever give one a break, does it?
I can safely say I'm not the only teen who thinks like that. Just yesterday, I heard a girl crying in the school library's toilet, with 2 teachers standing outside worriedly. Apparently, she's broken down, maybe after being hit by that same realization. Can't say I sympathize though. I'm much too drained. In fact, I think I may be mildly (only mildly, so its really not a big deal) depressed. I found a pamphlet on depression in the taxi, and guess what. I actually display most of the depression symptoms! Lethargy, apathy, alternating sadness and anger, loss of energy.. Well, you get the picture. Actually, I don't think you do, but I don't care. Yes, I wonder too. If I'm so lethargic and apathetic, why do I bother writing here? Well, I had the urge to spill my guts (not literally, no, that would never happen) so I did. It feels sorta therapeutic. Maybe I needed to see a counsellor, but not talk. No. My way of communicating is through black and white, hard copy. Verbally, I could never truly express what I really feel. I could only spout pretty words of comfort, of reassurance, of praise. All are lies. Really, it's a habit. My throat clenches if I try to say an ugly word, even if it's true. Is that a good or bad thing? I have more to say, but I don't wanna waste time. I need to finish my physics revision by this evening, 520pm. Tatta!
So, why do I say I have that equivalent, when I'm only 16? (yes, I'm merely a petulant teen) well, replace 'dying' with 'promos', 'working' with 'playing the day frivolously away', 'looking at the calendar' with 'looking at the clock and then the calendar, then the exam schedule', and 'where have all my dreams gone' with 'where have all my carefully hatched study plans and goals gone'; you'll just see the similarity. Only, the sudden realization that hits one in the gut like a sucker punch to a ninny stays unpleasantly the same. Life doesn't seem to ever give one a break, does it?
I can safely say I'm not the only teen who thinks like that. Just yesterday, I heard a girl crying in the school library's toilet, with 2 teachers standing outside worriedly. Apparently, she's broken down, maybe after being hit by that same realization. Can't say I sympathize though. I'm much too drained. In fact, I think I may be mildly (only mildly, so its really not a big deal) depressed. I found a pamphlet on depression in the taxi, and guess what. I actually display most of the depression symptoms! Lethargy, apathy, alternating sadness and anger, loss of energy.. Well, you get the picture. Actually, I don't think you do, but I don't care. Yes, I wonder too. If I'm so lethargic and apathetic, why do I bother writing here? Well, I had the urge to spill my guts (not literally, no, that would never happen) so I did. It feels sorta therapeutic. Maybe I needed to see a counsellor, but not talk. No. My way of communicating is through black and white, hard copy. Verbally, I could never truly express what I really feel. I could only spout pretty words of comfort, of reassurance, of praise. All are lies. Really, it's a habit. My throat clenches if I try to say an ugly word, even if it's true. Is that a good or bad thing? I have more to say, but I don't wanna waste time. I need to finish my physics revision by this evening, 520pm. Tatta!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Hell!!!!
This is so goddamn annoying.. I wanted to complete a certain portion of my syllabus today in order to be able to finish my revision for sciences by Thursday, but it's not gonna happen!!! Cos it's already 9+!!! and I'm aiming to sleep at 10! Shoots!!!! And there are tons of practice I need to get in, plus my tuition hw and school hmwk!!! I'm so dead, because then there's Geog too..
Not to mention I'm not certain I can keep this up. I was so sleepy in class today, it felt so terrible.. And I just had an unpleasant thought.. PE tmr!!!!!!! T.T I hate hate hate physical exercise, where you just run pointlessly under the hot sun and get tanned, and sweat a lot and waste time, when you could be studying for the goddamn promos! But I also vaguely recall something about canceling PE, though I'm not sure about the accuracy of my memory and whatever. But at least I caught up with the khr fanfic my friend was recommending me.. After promos I swear I'm gonna play as much as I want!!! Though of course I'll revise in order to make certain my foundations' intact. Anyway, im probably pushing the work back. Gonna sleep now.
Not to mention I'm not certain I can keep this up. I was so sleepy in class today, it felt so terrible.. And I just had an unpleasant thought.. PE tmr!!!!!!! T.T I hate hate hate physical exercise, where you just run pointlessly under the hot sun and get tanned, and sweat a lot and waste time, when you could be studying for the goddamn promos! But I also vaguely recall something about canceling PE, though I'm not sure about the accuracy of my memory and whatever. But at least I caught up with the khr fanfic my friend was recommending me.. After promos I swear I'm gonna play as much as I want!!! Though of course I'll revise in order to make certain my foundations' intact. Anyway, im probably pushing the work back. Gonna sleep now.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
See I told you!
My self-discipline is abysmally horrendous! I spent the whole of my weekend reading fanfic! *sobs* there's only a measly week before promos!!!! And I need 2 get practice! Especially organic chemistry, though I'm not confident about the rest. But math should be fine.. Right? Physics.. Well, I love physics, but I'm not always at the top of my game. I must improve! But how? There's only a goddamn week! And geography! I hare Geog! There's nothing for it. I'll have to try and finish my sciences subjects by Thursday. Then I'll have time to make Geog notes and study them. But oh god. Pls don't be so harsh on me. As much as I'd like to ramble on, I need to start getting ready for school. Till the next entry,then.
Friday, September 16, 2011
I am so disappointed..
In myself. I resolved that I would wake up early today. If I'd been successful I would've been able to clear off a large part of my syllabus. As it is, I've only finished 1 out of the many things on the to-do list I have. And now I can't do much more because I'll be having tuition today, the whole day, with only 30min breaks in between. I'm so not looking forward to that.. And I'll be busy during the breaks as well. I've got tons of things to do, and I'm certainly cursing my lack of self-discipline. I definitely must make up for the lax earlier! I really, really need to complete my to-do list. And I don't know why I'm rambling now, only I really need to ramble. The fact that I'm so weary doesn't help.
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