My life sucks!

I feel so pissed.. I have to go out almost everyday, because of tuition and school. Shit! Cos some students already have holidays. And to make things more annoying, people seem to assume I'm freer than I really am, so they expect me to come on time etc etc. I really am in no condition to endure all this so I'm going to try to come on time. And to cut down time dawdling on what I should wear, I've decided to simplify everything by wearing my school uniform everywhere. Ha! Then they won't assume I've got all this free time. I'm gonna do that tmr. It should work. To hell with everything.
Btw I just got a new haircut. I hope it'll look good by tmr, so that there'll be one less thing to agonize over. Honestly, I could get pissed at everybody, from those who expect stuff from me, to those who always seem to surpass me. I hope it's not just a phase, whatever I think I'm experiencing now. Because it reminds me of the ugliness of man, of how the beautiful always are given better treatment and forgiveness because they're beautiful. And to remind myself more and prevent myself from falling into the trap of loving others, I've decided to wear a pair of rose earrings for as long as I wear ear studs. They don't have to be the same pair, but they should always be of a rose design. This is to remind me that even if I may not be considered a rose in everybody's eyes, I can at least grow thorns to protect myself from getting hurt or disappointed. Seriously, there may be those who think I'm just being dramatic and wallowing in self pity and being pathetic, but that's the way I feel so I won't listen. Because my true nature is too vulnerable. I tend to want to believe good things, and the disfulfillment of them always makes me bitter. Yes, I'm quite a bitter person, but I'm trying to slow it down. I don't want to be a bitter person, too. Unless it protects me by turning my heart into ice and instilling apathy in me, so that I will feel less exhausted from the emotions that life brings. Recently, I was listening to the song 'bad apple', and I must say, I identify with the lyrics pretty well, eg 'merely walking leaves me exhausted, so how could I care for anyone else?' and 'sadness only exhausts me, so I'd rather live my life feeling nothing'. I can enjoy life on my own; I don't need false hope.

Sodomisation

Yeah, I think that was the word I came across. Before, I'd been looking for urban legends to read about. So then I stumbled across wikipedia's zoophilia and bestiality section. Then I was reading and learnt of the possibility of reverse bestiality. I mean, what the hell?!! I knew humans could be attracted sexually to animals (in fact, I was just contemplating the possibility of having a panther boyfriend; one who could interchange between his animal and human forms) but I didnt know animals could feel the same. I mean, I always thought they were straighter and less screwed up than we humans were. Then I started googling stuff like that. Some were pretty funny!! Especially youtube. But then I learnt about dolphins gang-raping humans, or attempting to. They hook their prehensile penises about swimmers' limbs. What the hell?!!! That sounds like one of the hentai manga I read out of curiosity (eww..) omg..
Anyway I suddenly thought of a scene with ulquiorra, grimmjow and ichimaru gin.. Weird..
And now, I'm going crazy reading up on every urban legend I could find on the Internet. Ah ha ha ha.. I wonder what the midnight man really is..

Honestly speaking

My situation isn't too good. I haven't really been keeping up in class and I haven't done homework for a very long time. I wonder how my group leader does it- not sleeping enough, I mean. I'm very tired, and I sleep more than him. And my envy x oc story isn't going anywhere, since I can't imagine any romance at all. Is that sad or sad? I've been reading too many yaoi tales to actually be able to imagine a normal, straight romance! Damn! Really.. I'm so dead.. Perhaps I should just keep waiting for the envyxoc fics to end first so I'll have an idea of how they're gonna incorporate romance into the plot. Because seriously my only reason for writing such a fanfic is to make a statement about how everybody just loves to cast envy in a yaoi role.. When I think he's more of a straight person despite his quirks.. But on the bright side, at least I feel like I'm making improvement in my oral presentation skills. But back to my own subject, I think I've fallen out of love with envy. Now it's the black panther bagheera. Like, in mowgli, book of jungle tales or something like that? He loves humans. Plus I bet if he assumed human form he'd be really cool, like all amber-eyed and wild, slim,well-muscled frame, and long,sleek, ebony hair. Of course, how could we forget the sharp gleaming fangs, wonderful feline grace and deadly speed and strength? Not to mention the fierce protectiveness and nobility, like how a real man should be? Yeah, I think I'm in love with him now. I don't think it'll last, though. Remember how last time it was sesshoumaru instead. Haha. I wonder if I'll be so fickle if they were real. Or perhaps my cat Fye, or even a werewolf. Kya! Hearts are flying everywhere! *^.^*