I seem to be making a habit of posting more than once in a single day, huh? I'm having writer's block.. Seriously, I don't know how to start, and I haven't any romantic scenes planned out.. I spent this afternoon scrounging and reading yaoi manga on a whim. There was one I really liked about a dark skinned guy who sought refuge at a church because everybody treated him badly. He had horns and a tail, though really, he's the hottest guy in the whole book! So yeah, actually he's an incubus who somehow got lost in the human world. So yeah, he and the priest began to have a sexual relationship *wink wink* it's even more enjoyable since it's so sinful, yet kinda sweet too. The incubus, while being kinda perverted and a tease, is at the same time devoted to the priest and kind of innocent. And it helps that humour was part of the plot, especially when his oldest brother, baldur, appeared on the scene. Yaoi aside, I really wonder if I can write such a story.. I seem to have lost my skill for writing. I have the ending vaguely there, where she follows envy to his death. Why? Because I love tragedies, and it seemed the only appropriate ending. After all, she's already the last of her long-forgotten kind. She belongs neither to the FMA world nor the world beyond the gate (ie our world, where seraphs aren't exactly common, nor accepted by everyone.) and in the beginning she never really had a purpose in her life until she began to turn into an aviaria drago during.. The full moon? But then her journey was driven only by curiosity. She never had anything to lose, nor was it ever her concern that amestris would later be threatened - though this attitude would not be immediately recognized by most, what with her cowardly 'I'm going to live!' attitude.
But I DON'T KNOW HOW TO START!!! Plus my writing style is kinda crap.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Doubting myself
I think I screwed up my Chinese paper 1. I'm pretty bad at writing story compositions, especially Chinese ones. My grasp of the Chinese language is rudimentary, though I'm proud to say that I never speak Chinese inaccurately. I just hope I'll do better than I think I did. That's not saying anything, though. Last night I didnt sleep well. I woke up quite a few times because of the goddamned phone call of my uncle's friend in china, because my uncle suddenly got a heart attack there. Even now my 2 aunts are preparing to fly over to join him in case. But it really gets my goat that he can't call the handphone instead. At least the sound wouldn't reverberate throughout the house. Today is so not a good day..
I hate myself..
I'm still thinking about the envyxoc story.. Donno how I'll write it. Maybe I'll just go episode by episode. And I'll make her a shota after all, one who is kinda well known because pictures of him have been used as an incentive to lure young women into the military and some men too, sort of like Roy mustang's photos.. And it'll be funny! Haha. Perhaps I'll have 'him' kidnapped by envy during the burning library incident. Yeah. She overslept in the library and tried to fight them, but then scar appeared, everything got messed up so she tried to retreat after scar injured her quite severely, although she regenerated. Envy saw that so he kidnapped her. Fire is the antithesis of a fallen so she is probably weakened. Thats when envy picks her up.
But I've already started encountering problems at chapter 1. Should I have her waking up from a dream, then getting a mission from Roy mustang, or should I have her wake up while on a journey to reole, thus immediately launching into the action? I feel I might have to rewatch the show again.. But I think a shota would be kinda interesting. She could look 13, but claim she was 15, yet she's really an 18-year-old girl..
I hate myself..
I'm still thinking about the envyxoc story.. Donno how I'll write it. Maybe I'll just go episode by episode. And I'll make her a shota after all, one who is kinda well known because pictures of him have been used as an incentive to lure young women into the military and some men too, sort of like Roy mustang's photos.. And it'll be funny! Haha. Perhaps I'll have 'him' kidnapped by envy during the burning library incident. Yeah. She overslept in the library and tried to fight them, but then scar appeared, everything got messed up so she tried to retreat after scar injured her quite severely, although she regenerated. Envy saw that so he kidnapped her. Fire is the antithesis of a fallen so she is probably weakened. Thats when envy picks her up.
But I've already started encountering problems at chapter 1. Should I have her waking up from a dream, then getting a mission from Roy mustang, or should I have her wake up while on a journey to reole, thus immediately launching into the action? I feel I might have to rewatch the show again.. But I think a shota would be kinda interesting. She could look 13, but claim she was 15, yet she's really an 18-year-old girl..
Yeah, yeah, I write too much nonsense
I really don't want to start studying! I just want to daydream.. Or better yet, read an envyxoc fanfic.. I want to be able to immerse myself in trying to write the story.. But I can't because I need to study for tomorrow.. What if I studied quickly, then I'd have time to write? Well, see, I'm now thinking that a Fallen Seraph ought to be the antithesis of a seraph, so it ought to be affiliated with ice the way a seraph is affiliated with fire. I was thinking of modifying the plot. Rather than have enfer be the seraph, I'll have her descend from one. Then, because of that curse(you know, the one where she morphs into an avian dragon thingy every new moon) she is on a quest to find the cure. But how do I fit that into the plot of alchemy? Perhaps she thinks the philosopher's stone can help her? Perhaps she thinks dante's knowledge may provide a clue as to what she is? Yeah, that might work, since some of her characteristics are remarkably similar to that of the homunculi. So anyway, probably in the 1600-1700s, there was drachma, a prosperous land with a tendency to flood. Then one day, the skies darkened and a huge ice storm blew through the land for 20 years. During this period, the climate of the land changed, till it is now the cold, frost-covered land it is. Some say that this was caused by the despair of an irridescent winged creature known as the Ice-bringer, or the Zaharen-Yce, which had suddenly appeared one day via a huge bright gate in the sky, which then closed up, leaving the creature trapped in this world. Its despair had unleashed a vast stream of power, which then iced drachma over. Having spent its power, it then disappeared along with the everlasting blizzard, leaving behind the legend of the Zaharen, a non-human people who had descended from this first winged creature. It is said that these people now walk amongst the human people of the various lands. They learnt to conceal their natures and thus coexist peacefully with humans. It is also speculated that the famous 'Man of the East', the one who first taught alchemy to the amestrians, was one of the zaharen.
So enfer is one of these. And she grew up not knowing of her heritage, but when she was a child, her mother used to tell the story of the Zaharen to her(it was a hint as to her true heritage). She never had the problem of the shapeshifting until she hit the age of 15. By then, her parents had already been killed in the Ishvallan war, so she was left without guidance, left to discover the secrets of her family and to survive on her own as the last child of an ancient race. Knowing that her best bet was to become a state alchemist (they had access to more resources etc) she became one. After all, she had nothing to lose, and everything to gain.. In the search, she caught dante's attention and was thus brought to work with her. But then perhaps I'll follow the adventures of fullmetal alchemist, and she'll perish at the end since she'll probably never find a way back, never fit in anywhere, being the lost child of a long-forgotten race.. How, though? What's a glamorous way to die?
Hey, I like this story! It's certainly tragic enough.. I just hope I don't give up halfway..
So enfer is one of these. And she grew up not knowing of her heritage, but when she was a child, her mother used to tell the story of the Zaharen to her(it was a hint as to her true heritage). She never had the problem of the shapeshifting until she hit the age of 15. By then, her parents had already been killed in the Ishvallan war, so she was left without guidance, left to discover the secrets of her family and to survive on her own as the last child of an ancient race. Knowing that her best bet was to become a state alchemist (they had access to more resources etc) she became one. After all, she had nothing to lose, and everything to gain.. In the search, she caught dante's attention and was thus brought to work with her. But then perhaps I'll follow the adventures of fullmetal alchemist, and she'll perish at the end since she'll probably never find a way back, never fit in anywhere, being the lost child of a long-forgotten race.. How, though? What's a glamorous way to die?
Hey, I like this story! It's certainly tragic enough.. I just hope I don't give up halfway..
Saturday, October 29, 2011
I am bad at titles
Oh, oh, I learnt something new today! Just now I was checking my email inbox and I was reading the newest chapter of one of the better envyxoc stories! There is a new homunculus, vainglory. So I googled it, and now I know the difference between vainglory and pride. Vainglory is the beginning of pride, and pride the end of vainglory. Vainglory is concerned with recognition; to be the best so that others will know you're the best. It doesn't care very much about the power that comes from being the best. Pride, on the other hand, is ok with being hidden, but wants power to wield. I wonder which is a worse sin? I admit I may be guilty of vainglory.. But I don't think it's a bad thing as long as it doesn't become a weakness, or morph into pride. Vainglory is a good motivation. Because achievement in this world is important in order to survive and live well. Actually, I still don't understand why some sins are actually sins.. But I'll just swallow them whole in such a story.. Now, then, how do I start? Maybe I should really start writing.. Study later.. Maybe at 4pm.
Continued brainstorming of plot
I remember the deal Enfer was going to offer Dante. There was something about dante's soul running out of energy, so she offers to remake her soul and give her another fallen seraph's body. This is so that Dante won't be bothered to steal enfer's body. Anyway, a human soul is always too weak to inhabit a seraph's body, and a seraph's soul is too fiery for a human body. So there. Fallen seraphs symbolize a loss of faith, hence the profusion of fallen seraphs in the world beyond the Gate aka more beautiful people. I have come up with reasons for envy being the one to guard her. First, since he is dante's son he is the most trusted. Secondly, he is the only one who can overpower her. All the homunculi match her in speed and ability, but enfer's strength gives her an edge over them in that she can fling them away. However, envy, being much more massive than he looks, has too much inertia for her to be able to use her strength to throw him away. The moment he sits on her she can't move.. -.-
So initially they think enfer is a boy, but then envy walks in on her showering/changing. He doesn't see much, but enough to know she's female. Then of course Dante knows. However, how will she react? Will she make enfer dress in gowns and stuff or just continue with her clothes? Ah, perhaps enfer came to Dante on a stormy night and made the deal with her. Then she accepts dante's hospitality and so goes to bathe. Envy, bringing a change of clothes for her, discovers her true sex and hence tells Dante, who provides a change of female clothing instead. So what does enfer want from Dante? Maybe to learn the truth behind alchemy? Admittedly Dante doesn't know everything, but she's the most knowledgeable. Enfer wants to go back to her own world and hence needs to know more about alchemy. So in return for dante's hospitality enfer works with envy on missions if required. Envy is of course told to protect her with his life. This begets the question: how did enfer know about Dante in the first place? How did she think to make a deal with her? Is she going to meet a homunculus? How should I start the story? From the point where she talks with Dante, or before that, when she is a state alchemist? Or way before that, with a prologue telling of the legend of the girl from the sky, told to children at bedtime? Then I'd have to write a story within a story. So it'll be a legend? Maybe when she first appeared in this FMA world she hadn't a human guise yet. And thus was born the legend, which probably happened in xerxes? Then about a 100 years later, or depending on the time period(looks like I'd need a lot of reading up. Thank god for mercies like wiki!) she exists as the Irritum alchemist, so named because she makes things 'disappear', actually turning matter into energy which she stores. This allows her to achieve superhuman feats, the way a philosopher's stone does for its user. Except she needs something to store the energy. What could it be? Maybe a jewel she calls irridium? Hmm.. What Colour? Black, but with irridescent colours? Yes, and harder than diamond. It looks as if a star has been trapped within the stone. Embedded in her flesh, just under the collarbone. Or on her forehead; she could cover it with.. Her hat? Or maybe just silk. Or perhaps a forehead ornament when dressed as a female. So yes, her fighting style is never flashy, unless she's really threatened. Perhaps her fighting style could also incorporate shadow clones (kind of like naruto, heh heh.) to confuse the enemy while the real deal sneaks up and changes him to energy to be stored/apprehends him as needed. These shadow clones require her stored energy, because they form real matter, but these then return to her stored energy after the battle. But she probably doesn't tell people the truth behind where she stores the energy. Perhaps she'll have a decoy jewel- an amethyst on her silver bangle.. What should she fight with in hand2hand combat, though? Perhaps foot-long scythe-like blades? Because I like that style of fighting; it's dazzling and sneaky, in slashes and speed-dashes and twirls and leaps, graceful and lethal like a praying mantis. The principle of her attacks is to strike viciously, then retreat from counters, then start again. The end of the combo is the nicest with the 2 blades slashing down like the deadly strike of a mantis, before she does a backflip to get away from the enemy's possible return strike. Damn.. How will I convey that in my words? Anyway, she probably doesn't carry weapons around, so she'll transmute them as and when she needs them. She doesn't even need to clap to transmute, but to hide this fact, she wears gloves like mustang's, except maybe black with a gold transmutation circle. So in fact, she doesn't really use this world's alchemy, and although she knows the theory and is capable of applying it to solve cases in her mission as well as assess her enemies, she actually doesn't genuinely understand alchemy hence needing dante's help.
But then, what kind of adversary will the story have? How do I make it eventful? How do I integrate romance into the plot if I have no real understanding of it? I don't really want any sexual content in the story, more of a budding relationship between her and envy which is sometimes dark and cruel yet intoxicating; never too gentle and fluffy. but sex-stuff is the only kind of understanding I have of romance (read too many of such stories, especially in yaoi..) .. Pathetic, huh? Please don't tell me I need to be in love to be able to write such a story, because then I'd never be able to write this story.. -.- geez..
So initially they think enfer is a boy, but then envy walks in on her showering/changing. He doesn't see much, but enough to know she's female. Then of course Dante knows. However, how will she react? Will she make enfer dress in gowns and stuff or just continue with her clothes? Ah, perhaps enfer came to Dante on a stormy night and made the deal with her. Then she accepts dante's hospitality and so goes to bathe. Envy, bringing a change of clothes for her, discovers her true sex and hence tells Dante, who provides a change of female clothing instead. So what does enfer want from Dante? Maybe to learn the truth behind alchemy? Admittedly Dante doesn't know everything, but she's the most knowledgeable. Enfer wants to go back to her own world and hence needs to know more about alchemy. So in return for dante's hospitality enfer works with envy on missions if required. Envy is of course told to protect her with his life. This begets the question: how did enfer know about Dante in the first place? How did she think to make a deal with her? Is she going to meet a homunculus? How should I start the story? From the point where she talks with Dante, or before that, when she is a state alchemist? Or way before that, with a prologue telling of the legend of the girl from the sky, told to children at bedtime? Then I'd have to write a story within a story. So it'll be a legend? Maybe when she first appeared in this FMA world she hadn't a human guise yet. And thus was born the legend, which probably happened in xerxes? Then about a 100 years later, or depending on the time period(looks like I'd need a lot of reading up. Thank god for mercies like wiki!) she exists as the Irritum alchemist, so named because she makes things 'disappear', actually turning matter into energy which she stores. This allows her to achieve superhuman feats, the way a philosopher's stone does for its user. Except she needs something to store the energy. What could it be? Maybe a jewel she calls irridium? Hmm.. What Colour? Black, but with irridescent colours? Yes, and harder than diamond. It looks as if a star has been trapped within the stone. Embedded in her flesh, just under the collarbone. Or on her forehead; she could cover it with.. Her hat? Or maybe just silk. Or perhaps a forehead ornament when dressed as a female. So yes, her fighting style is never flashy, unless she's really threatened. Perhaps her fighting style could also incorporate shadow clones (kind of like naruto, heh heh.) to confuse the enemy while the real deal sneaks up and changes him to energy to be stored/apprehends him as needed. These shadow clones require her stored energy, because they form real matter, but these then return to her stored energy after the battle. But she probably doesn't tell people the truth behind where she stores the energy. Perhaps she'll have a decoy jewel- an amethyst on her silver bangle.. What should she fight with in hand2hand combat, though? Perhaps foot-long scythe-like blades? Because I like that style of fighting; it's dazzling and sneaky, in slashes and speed-dashes and twirls and leaps, graceful and lethal like a praying mantis. The principle of her attacks is to strike viciously, then retreat from counters, then start again. The end of the combo is the nicest with the 2 blades slashing down like the deadly strike of a mantis, before she does a backflip to get away from the enemy's possible return strike. Damn.. How will I convey that in my words? Anyway, she probably doesn't carry weapons around, so she'll transmute them as and when she needs them. She doesn't even need to clap to transmute, but to hide this fact, she wears gloves like mustang's, except maybe black with a gold transmutation circle. So in fact, she doesn't really use this world's alchemy, and although she knows the theory and is capable of applying it to solve cases in her mission as well as assess her enemies, she actually doesn't genuinely understand alchemy hence needing dante's help.
But then, what kind of adversary will the story have? How do I make it eventful? How do I integrate romance into the plot if I have no real understanding of it? I don't really want any sexual content in the story, more of a budding relationship between her and envy which is sometimes dark and cruel yet intoxicating; never too gentle and fluffy. but sex-stuff is the only kind of understanding I have of romance (read too many of such stories, especially in yaoi..) .. Pathetic, huh? Please don't tell me I need to be in love to be able to write such a story, because then I'd never be able to write this story.. -.- geez..
Sigh
Right now I don't want to move, you know? Even though I'm supposed to go have a bath now.. I'm such a lazy ass.. Well I suppose I need to catch up with my work tomorrow.. By the way, fanfiction makes the reader realize the hotness of certain characters.. Eg Envy, and now Tyki Mykk.. Lolz. I'm feeling tired but at the same time I don't think I'd be able to sleep.. Gya! It's my A levels on mon! And I'm still obsessed with the envy story! How on earth do I make the plot go? Gyah ah ah! DX
I was reading two macabre manga series.. I'm hoping I'll find more of such weird and creepy series to read.. They give me the best spine-tingling sensations!
By the way, for envy's story, I'm probably going to use a very cliche plot device- having enfer captured by Dante, or offering to work with Dante. She'll probably be wanting something from Dante, and make a deal with her.. Maybe to give her sn everlasting body? Then envy is supposed to guard her or something. So he can't be cruel since it's dante's orders. But then how will he treat her? It's strange.. -.-
I was reading two macabre manga series.. I'm hoping I'll find more of such weird and creepy series to read.. They give me the best spine-tingling sensations!
By the way, for envy's story, I'm probably going to use a very cliche plot device- having enfer captured by Dante, or offering to work with Dante. She'll probably be wanting something from Dante, and make a deal with her.. Maybe to give her sn everlasting body? Then envy is supposed to guard her or something. So he can't be cruel since it's dante's orders. But then how will he treat her? It's strange.. -.-
Continued musings on oc
Well, her being kinda short and all, I think she'd be more of a stealth person.. That would fit her title too.. So how about disguise and then alchemy sneak attacks? Like using her speed to quickly deconstruct her enemy.. Or poison. Or dazzling the opponent before immediately going for the kill, since she can't afford sustained hand-to-hand combat (I've just decided that one of her weaknesses is to tire easily. Another is that she's cold-blooded-her blood causes ice burns- so she can't survive long in super-cold surroundings. Perhaps she hibernates? Haha. Possible.)
Wait a minute.. A trench coat wouldn't suit a short person, right? But it does look fine on Allen walker or kuroyuri from 07ghost.. Maybe it'll be less heavy. Gloves are a must, and she'll probably wear alot of black and white to remain inconspicuous. Except for a light blue string tie. However, perhaps 'he' will wear just a white dress shirt, vest, and knee length shorts in the city of Leto(?) since it's too hot.. And a pageboy cap! ^^
Wait a minute.. A trench coat wouldn't suit a short person, right? But it does look fine on Allen walker or kuroyuri from 07ghost.. Maybe it'll be less heavy. Gloves are a must, and she'll probably wear alot of black and white to remain inconspicuous. Except for a light blue string tie. However, perhaps 'he' will wear just a white dress shirt, vest, and knee length shorts in the city of Leto(?) since it's too hot.. And a pageboy cap! ^^
Contemplating taking up an old pastime
Recently I fell in love with envy from fullmetal alchemist! I'm desperately looking for envyxoc fanfiction because strangely, though I'm a yaoi fan, I didn't want envy as anything less than straight. But I couldn't find any which were good in that it portrayed the kind of relationship I liked to read about, while still keeping envy in character (I like them in character, because then I'd find it more believable and hence enjoy the story much more). Or at least, none that have gotten to the smut/fluff (I don't know what's the difference so whatever) because they most probably have given up on their stories, seeing as how FMA series gas ended.. So I'm seriously contemplating writing my own.. Except I really don't know how to feel like the characters I often read about and aim to portray.. I mean, even though I read all these angst/dark-romance FIcs I don't really empathize with the story characters.. I just savour the plot.. So I'll probably need to reread some of my very favorite FIcs to try and get a feel of the writing style and story flow.. Wonder if I'll be up to it?
Well, I'm seriously thinking about my oc, for one. I definitely want her character design to be a little japanese. Eg her outfit would most probably be like the one oichi from samurai warriors 2 or 3 wears. She would be inspired by victorique from gosick and chi from chobits.. Maybe I'll make her hair long and slightly more silvery than platinum blond; almost ivory but shinier.. Of short stature. She could've been a seraph from the other side of the gate, but her six wings do not appear in this world; instead, they show up as faint etchings on her back. She looks like a doll fashioned by the hands of god himself- pale and fragile and petite and dollfaced. Well, almost. I can't stand absolute perfection, so I'll probably make her imperfect in some way. Just.. What kind of imperfection? Fangs? Claws? Blindness? Maybe that last one. She's definitely beautiful, but I don't want get face to ever be seen by anybody.. Maybe it could be obscured by goggles.. You know, the kind tousen from Bleach wears. Ah ha! She passes herself off as a prepubescent boy with long, braided hair! She has actually lost her memory of once being a seraph, so she currently works as a state alchemist who's very bored and apathetic in living 'his' life.. Very unfeeling and unable to understand most humans. Sort of like ciel phantomhive. And she heals almost as fast as a homunculus, though only if they are not totally severe injuries like being beheaded, and she cant regenerate her limbs.. (duh. Else there wont be a story since she would never be harmed.) that should connect her with envy. Because i believe that given the right pairing, envy in love, or just caring for somebody, should not be ooc for him. Though he does it in a brash, homicidal way like the psycho he is. Should my oc be blind? But then she wouldn't be able to see envy..
Ok, so she'll be passing herself off as a young, beautiful boy in glasses(or perhaps a blindfold?sort of a way to control her powers.) what power should she have? I was thinking she's not just an ordinary human so she probably has magic powers(which she usually doesnt make use of, rxcept maybe the first one) like telekinesis(most probably, though it has to be limited), elemental stuff(how do I limit this..). Since I always thought of Seraphs as having a few beastly attributes (maybe avian, or feline, or draconian?) she'd probably have some of these animalistic instincts, which she subtly makes use of. I've always dreamed of having an oc suffer the effects of transforming into a different creature during some specific period, though maybe not a wolf.. How about some dragon-avian like thing?(the western dragon type, I mean. Of course I'll probably try to draw it myself so my readers can see it too) It's probably pretty ferocious, though still sentient and not totally out of control. It's not the oc's human consciousness, but neither is it savage. Anyway, she probably fights using average alchemical skills and good reflexes, but she's not going to specialise in any one element, because she's got affinity for all (like, cos of her elemental powers..)
So.. What should her eye Colour be? I was thinking one should be a beautiful cherry blossom pink like hiou shizuka in vampire knight while the other should be a bright aquamarine (you know, to symbolize that while her sex is female because I said so, her gender is in fact kinda ambiguous. If you can't tell the difference between the two terms-for there is one-go google the answer. Btw the idea is that baby girls are dressed in pink while baby boys are dressed in blue.. Lame, I know.) however, I'm kinda afraid I'll be flamed for it being a marysue characteristic.. She's probably got a heartshaped face with small pouty lips like my own (because I have them, and they aren't common. I don't want to be the only one with them! I don't mean to say she's modeled after me, because she's most definitely not. I'm Asian.. So she's also modeled after a doll i saw once. In my childhood, i used to make up heroic stories about her.) and pale skin. I don't know why, but I want her to be good at gambling! (maybe there's an explanation.. She's a seraph, after all.. Thus she has great luck) however, she has vices like drinking, stealing etc. An impure seraph, maybe fallen. Yeah, that might work. If she weren't fallen, she wouldn't have been summoned to FMA's world from the other side of the gate which is our world, because she'd have been safe in heaven instead. I believe she would have great physical strength(she can easily have her enemies in a chokehold with one hand and fling them across the room, cracking the wall on the opposite end. But, her body is fragile, so it's a contradiction.
So, what's her name and title? Hmm.. Her title.. Could it be the Irritum alchemist? (meaning 'void') and her name? Maybe.. Enfer Trinteza? Verloren enfer? Himmeleis enfer? Ushinawa cielo? Cielo filium? Oh man.. At least they sound male..
Real name? Maybe it will never be revealed.. Anyway throughout the series what would she be addressed as? Enfer? At least it sounds like envy.. And her blood will most probably be silver-blue, and burns like ice on contact. (Seraphs are supposed to be angels of flame, if I'm not wrong. I know they're associated with that element!)
Then, what should she wear? It can't be too girly like ciel's simply because it would not be believable in that she tried to disguise herself.. But it can't be too manly because prepubescent boys don't wear manly clothes..
Wait.. On second thought, she should be older than prepubescent eg maybe early teens kinda boy? Maybe a 15-year-old boy disguise. Then 'he' will wear a trench coat with a design like lelouch's and black pants underneath. Probably a plain white silk shirt underneath.. With a string tie like Allen walker's. Probably she's gonna wear a hat like yuber from suikoden.. What kind of weapons? Hmm.. I'll leave that to the next post. This is getting too long. Seriously.
Well, I'm seriously thinking about my oc, for one. I definitely want her character design to be a little japanese. Eg her outfit would most probably be like the one oichi from samurai warriors 2 or 3 wears. She would be inspired by victorique from gosick and chi from chobits.. Maybe I'll make her hair long and slightly more silvery than platinum blond; almost ivory but shinier.. Of short stature. She could've been a seraph from the other side of the gate, but her six wings do not appear in this world; instead, they show up as faint etchings on her back. She looks like a doll fashioned by the hands of god himself- pale and fragile and petite and dollfaced. Well, almost. I can't stand absolute perfection, so I'll probably make her imperfect in some way. Just.. What kind of imperfection? Fangs? Claws? Blindness? Maybe that last one. She's definitely beautiful, but I don't want get face to ever be seen by anybody.. Maybe it could be obscured by goggles.. You know, the kind tousen from Bleach wears. Ah ha! She passes herself off as a prepubescent boy with long, braided hair! She has actually lost her memory of once being a seraph, so she currently works as a state alchemist who's very bored and apathetic in living 'his' life.. Very unfeeling and unable to understand most humans. Sort of like ciel phantomhive. And she heals almost as fast as a homunculus, though only if they are not totally severe injuries like being beheaded, and she cant regenerate her limbs.. (duh. Else there wont be a story since she would never be harmed.) that should connect her with envy. Because i believe that given the right pairing, envy in love, or just caring for somebody, should not be ooc for him. Though he does it in a brash, homicidal way like the psycho he is. Should my oc be blind? But then she wouldn't be able to see envy..
Ok, so she'll be passing herself off as a young, beautiful boy in glasses(or perhaps a blindfold?sort of a way to control her powers.) what power should she have? I was thinking she's not just an ordinary human so she probably has magic powers(which she usually doesnt make use of, rxcept maybe the first one) like telekinesis(most probably, though it has to be limited), elemental stuff(how do I limit this..). Since I always thought of Seraphs as having a few beastly attributes (maybe avian, or feline, or draconian?) she'd probably have some of these animalistic instincts, which she subtly makes use of. I've always dreamed of having an oc suffer the effects of transforming into a different creature during some specific period, though maybe not a wolf.. How about some dragon-avian like thing?(the western dragon type, I mean. Of course I'll probably try to draw it myself so my readers can see it too) It's probably pretty ferocious, though still sentient and not totally out of control. It's not the oc's human consciousness, but neither is it savage. Anyway, she probably fights using average alchemical skills and good reflexes, but she's not going to specialise in any one element, because she's got affinity for all (like, cos of her elemental powers..)
So.. What should her eye Colour be? I was thinking one should be a beautiful cherry blossom pink like hiou shizuka in vampire knight while the other should be a bright aquamarine (you know, to symbolize that while her sex is female because I said so, her gender is in fact kinda ambiguous. If you can't tell the difference between the two terms-for there is one-go google the answer. Btw the idea is that baby girls are dressed in pink while baby boys are dressed in blue.. Lame, I know.) however, I'm kinda afraid I'll be flamed for it being a marysue characteristic.. She's probably got a heartshaped face with small pouty lips like my own (because I have them, and they aren't common. I don't want to be the only one with them! I don't mean to say she's modeled after me, because she's most definitely not. I'm Asian.. So she's also modeled after a doll i saw once. In my childhood, i used to make up heroic stories about her.) and pale skin. I don't know why, but I want her to be good at gambling! (maybe there's an explanation.. She's a seraph, after all.. Thus she has great luck) however, she has vices like drinking, stealing etc. An impure seraph, maybe fallen. Yeah, that might work. If she weren't fallen, she wouldn't have been summoned to FMA's world from the other side of the gate which is our world, because she'd have been safe in heaven instead. I believe she would have great physical strength(she can easily have her enemies in a chokehold with one hand and fling them across the room, cracking the wall on the opposite end. But, her body is fragile, so it's a contradiction.
So, what's her name and title? Hmm.. Her title.. Could it be the Irritum alchemist? (meaning 'void') and her name? Maybe.. Enfer Trinteza? Verloren enfer? Himmeleis enfer? Ushinawa cielo? Cielo filium? Oh man.. At least they sound male..
Real name? Maybe it will never be revealed.. Anyway throughout the series what would she be addressed as? Enfer? At least it sounds like envy.. And her blood will most probably be silver-blue, and burns like ice on contact. (Seraphs are supposed to be angels of flame, if I'm not wrong. I know they're associated with that element!)
Then, what should she wear? It can't be too girly like ciel's simply because it would not be believable in that she tried to disguise herself.. But it can't be too manly because prepubescent boys don't wear manly clothes..
Wait.. On second thought, she should be older than prepubescent eg maybe early teens kinda boy? Maybe a 15-year-old boy disguise. Then 'he' will wear a trench coat with a design like lelouch's and black pants underneath. Probably a plain white silk shirt underneath.. With a string tie like Allen walker's. Probably she's gonna wear a hat like yuber from suikoden.. What kind of weapons? Hmm.. I'll leave that to the next post. This is getting too long. Seriously.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Musing
I was just googling random stuff, you know, like when you type in a word and watch commonly-searched phrases pop up, and one of those was 'what is love' after 'what is planking'. So I began thinking about the different kinds of love. I'd like someone to feel agape for me- it's the purest form of love where the person who loves gives and does not expect anything in return. A sacrificial love. Unconditional love. Wouldn't that be great? I don't much care for the rest like 'eros'... Wonder if there are different types of hatred? I miss something, but I don't know, exactly, what it is. Strange, huh? Maybe I should just keep googling more fanfiction to distract myself. Except I can't find any good ones. I'd like to write an 'agape' story. And a story with the theme of slowly spiraling despair. And others too, maybe friendship, maybe normalcy, maybe.. Well, I'd love to start writing soon. Maybe also stories of an alternate way of viewing the world. Except I'm not the person I once was, so I might not be able to step into that world again. Stories of magic, of prophesy, of curses, of legends set in stone. Stories of the seraphim, the hellings, the spirits, the demons. Especially the eternally lengthening tale of the Child of Destiny, a girl young as eternity, who is instrumental in the existence of destiny. Maybe I'll write one one day, though when that is, I cannot say.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
What the hell, you asshole
You know, I really hate it when people think they can analyse me. I mean, who the hell do they think they are? Like, what, show some interest and I'll open up to you? I never really thought he was irritating, but after the way he tried to understand me(like some kind of curiosity) I'm really annoyed by him. Excuse me? Stupid f-ing poncy. I bet those two boys were sort of conspiring against me. And I bet they tried to sweet-talk me. That pisses me off more! And I heard from the f-ing irritant that his friend did mention once that I was quite good-looking(not that I deny it, but I won't believe it to the extent that I get so full of myself. After all prettier girls abound.) that sets me off more because it reminds me of the way this lousy world works. People only treat the pretty ones well. Everybody (ok, almost everybody) is a f*cker. I mean that literally. That's the most basic instinct, I believe. Well, yea, maybe I'm a misanthrope, but I think I bloody well have a right to be. I haven't met truly pure people before. Even that which I once thought was pure is, in fact, tainted. I know I'm speaking in riddles. It's on purpose. But let's just say I'm disappointed. Really.
I know for a fact that what I've said about favoritism based on looks is true. Because people have treated me better based on my looks. When that happens, I just count it as a blessing, as another way I can better survive in the world. I have no redeeming qualities I can be certain of; I'll take what I can get. And that includes not allowing anyone else in.
Anyway, on to more mundane topics. I just needed to let my anger out. I am required to make a choice on what topic I will take next year for geography. Should I take hydrology or urban geography? I am uncertain of my own strength. I would rather take the former because one of the reasons I chose Geog as a subject was to understand the workings of the world around me better. I find anything relating to the human world eg economics, resource constraint etc pointless, partly due to my misanthropy. Yet, since urban Geog would provide me with information so I may be able to do my general paper better, I am tempted to pick that. Don't you just love it when you can Kill two tweeties with one strike? But if it turns out to not be my strength it'll backfire like nobody's business.
By the way, I found a real cool vocaloid song, 'Tokyo Teddy bear'. Too bad I couldn't find the English translation, since I like to know the meaning of the song I'm listening to, if there is any. And most of the ones I select do. Because I have great taste in songs. Ha! Well, I think I'll leave it at that for now, since I grow weary.
I know for a fact that what I've said about favoritism based on looks is true. Because people have treated me better based on my looks. When that happens, I just count it as a blessing, as another way I can better survive in the world. I have no redeeming qualities I can be certain of; I'll take what I can get. And that includes not allowing anyone else in.
Anyway, on to more mundane topics. I just needed to let my anger out. I am required to make a choice on what topic I will take next year for geography. Should I take hydrology or urban geography? I am uncertain of my own strength. I would rather take the former because one of the reasons I chose Geog as a subject was to understand the workings of the world around me better. I find anything relating to the human world eg economics, resource constraint etc pointless, partly due to my misanthropy. Yet, since urban Geog would provide me with information so I may be able to do my general paper better, I am tempted to pick that. Don't you just love it when you can Kill two tweeties with one strike? But if it turns out to not be my strength it'll backfire like nobody's business.
By the way, I found a real cool vocaloid song, 'Tokyo Teddy bear'. Too bad I couldn't find the English translation, since I like to know the meaning of the song I'm listening to, if there is any. And most of the ones I select do. Because I have great taste in songs. Ha! Well, I think I'll leave it at that for now, since I grow weary.
Well.
This sucks. I've been waiting at a classmate's house for some other project group members since early afternoon! We have to do an f-ing skit!! DX oh, this gets better because I'm DA MOM. Really, I hate children. I hate motherly figures also. I hate mother hens. So, what was I thinking, man? Well, I don't know, and I shouldn't care. So, anyway, I was reading this really interesting fanfic where Draco malfoy had a spell cast on him which would make him desire his worst enemy. So of course that would be Harry potter. It gets darker and darker as Draco keeps changing tactics to get Harry to allow him to f*ck him. Draco loves Harry so much he tortures and kills for him, even when the opponents are his own parents. He lives for Harry. At one point, Draco, being overcome with hunger and gaping emptiness, attempts to eat himself in despair. When I read that part, my heart clenched like nobody's business. But I didn't like the end; it was a little anticlimatic.. But I LOVED this! It was the best ever! Plus it didn't have any insinuations that Harry and draco had something between them previously, even without the events which befell him. So I loved it! Yay!
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Neheheheh!
I didn't go to school today! But I'm really worried about disciplinary records and the impression my form teacher might have on me. Honestly, thinking about it now, I think I have an abysmally low chance of getting into the choice I want, or even being chosen for the school's programme I wanted to be in. Really. My grades aren't fantastic, I'm often late, I don't think I made a really extraordinary impression at the interview, and I'm too unfettered to make a really fantastic impression on my subject teachers, whose inputs contribute a determining factor in whether or not I'm chosen. Anyway.
I'm procrastinating right now, because I really don't want to start on my work. Project work. Especially the EoM, which I have to hand in by tomorrow. It's not a draft, but the final copy. So ya, I have little choice. But that doesn't stop me from procrastinating.
My mom's off to India, I believe. So my grandma's here till the weekend, I presume. I guess I should've greeted her the moment she came, but I'm procrastinating. So I'll probably do it after a shower. Which I'm trying to put off, also.
I was reading fanfiction and an interesting manhwa series just now. It's not what I would usually have read, but sometimes people need something mindless in order to successfully procrastinate. There was this really interesting khr fanfic too! About tsuna being banished into the past, and ge became vongola primo's advisor. It was really cool!! ^^ I subscribed immediately. Haha. But now, seeing as I'm almost done with this entry, I suppose I can't put off my shower any longer(yeah, yeah, I know, who puts off something as minor as showering, anyway? But I'm inertic- remember the word I made up?- so I'm even trying to put off minor things.)
I will now end off with a curse to the Forces in my Life which relentlessly conspire to force me out of my inertia and my desire to laze forever in my room, reading fanfiction and generally doing mindless things. These include the need for school, the EoM I must complete, PW in general, the need to shower, the need to drink water, the need to pack my bag, the need to get off my tuffet and out of my room, etc etc. So I'll be off now. *sob sob*
I'm procrastinating right now, because I really don't want to start on my work. Project work. Especially the EoM, which I have to hand in by tomorrow. It's not a draft, but the final copy. So ya, I have little choice. But that doesn't stop me from procrastinating.
My mom's off to India, I believe. So my grandma's here till the weekend, I presume. I guess I should've greeted her the moment she came, but I'm procrastinating. So I'll probably do it after a shower. Which I'm trying to put off, also.
I was reading fanfiction and an interesting manhwa series just now. It's not what I would usually have read, but sometimes people need something mindless in order to successfully procrastinate. There was this really interesting khr fanfic too! About tsuna being banished into the past, and ge became vongola primo's advisor. It was really cool!! ^^ I subscribed immediately. Haha. But now, seeing as I'm almost done with this entry, I suppose I can't put off my shower any longer(yeah, yeah, I know, who puts off something as minor as showering, anyway? But I'm inertic- remember the word I made up?- so I'm even trying to put off minor things.)
I will now end off with a curse to the Forces in my Life which relentlessly conspire to force me out of my inertia and my desire to laze forever in my room, reading fanfiction and generally doing mindless things. These include the need for school, the EoM I must complete, PW in general, the need to shower, the need to drink water, the need to pack my bag, the need to get off my tuffet and out of my room, etc etc. So I'll be off now. *sob sob*
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
After most of the trials..
Today was the goddamned 'interview'. Actually, not really since it involves all of the people going into the room at the same time. It's more like being briefed. It's really lame, but I actually forgot what my other 2 choices were.. So I didn't open my mouth. I just hope it doesn't affect the teachers' perceptions.
And there are still trials to overcome.
1. My EoM is due on this friday so I need to finish by tomorrow (I'm not planning to go to school since it's just a goddamn waste of time and I'd need to participate in the sports festival)
2. My OP though I've done the rough speech(I might need to start practicing soon, then change A LOT since I copied and pasted from the WR itself)
3. My WR 3rd draft(gods, I could've done without that!)
Plus I feel guilty for not going for any EoM consultations..
I was just reading a Harry potter fanfic which consisted of a threesome (Harry, malfoy, snape) relationship. Lolz I really think I might be influenced and am being converted to a pervert.. Haha.
I was also thinking about a Harry potter fic I read before this one, and Harry was a dark lord and a slut.. /.-
You know, what might annoy me alot is that somebody seems to be getting the wrong idea about me, that I might be interested in that person (which is so obviously not, but who knows?). I don't know if it's true, but from the way that certain person keeps serving to look at me, I get that intuitive feeling. What, you don't believe me?! Really, my intuition works well when it needs to! It's so insulting.. As if I would be that kind of idiot.. I hope I'm just thinking too much..
And there are still trials to overcome.
1. My EoM is due on this friday so I need to finish by tomorrow (I'm not planning to go to school since it's just a goddamn waste of time and I'd need to participate in the sports festival)
2. My OP though I've done the rough speech(I might need to start practicing soon, then change A LOT since I copied and pasted from the WR itself)
3. My WR 3rd draft(gods, I could've done without that!)
Plus I feel guilty for not going for any EoM consultations..
I was just reading a Harry potter fanfic which consisted of a threesome (Harry, malfoy, snape) relationship. Lolz I really think I might be influenced and am being converted to a pervert.. Haha.
I was also thinking about a Harry potter fic I read before this one, and Harry was a dark lord and a slut.. /.-
You know, what might annoy me alot is that somebody seems to be getting the wrong idea about me, that I might be interested in that person (which is so obviously not, but who knows?). I don't know if it's true, but from the way that certain person keeps serving to look at me, I get that intuitive feeling. What, you don't believe me?! Really, my intuition works well when it needs to! It's so insulting.. As if I would be that kind of idiot.. I hope I'm just thinking too much..
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Almost over..
Well, my exams are officially over. I didn't do as badly for chemistry as I expected. Not that it means anything, since I still didn't complete a few questions, especially organic chem. But the trials are not over. Tomorrow I have an interview for the TIP that I wanted to take part in. I'm really afraid, because I have no idea what to expect. I'm really afraid I'll blank out and then make a right fool of myself. And tomorrow I'd have to sit through quite a ling period of time - the sports festival. It's not something that sounds appealing to me, because I'm not exactly a sports buff, and worse, what if it means I'm required to participate in some sports thingy?!! I'm so not looking forward to that! Not at all!!!
Moreover, the challenges I have to face are not over yet, because they also include Pw, as well as the oral presentation. And oh shit, of course I had to go forget the EoM final submission! I'm still not exactly sure when I need to submit it! But I know I have to get to work soon. Damn it all! Though right now I'm most concerned about the impending interview of accursed doom..
The outing with my supposedly best pals didn't go too well, either. It just was boring. And I felt myself suddenly starting to zone out every now and then, and I was sure they noticed and were impatient about that. So it's left a bitter aftertaste..
I'm determined to write my own fanfiction, and soon. I don't care!
Anyway I'll be off to eat now.. Before finishing my appointment.
P. S. I hate hate hate wasting my time!!!
Moreover, the challenges I have to face are not over yet, because they also include Pw, as well as the oral presentation. And oh shit, of course I had to go forget the EoM final submission! I'm still not exactly sure when I need to submit it! But I know I have to get to work soon. Damn it all! Though right now I'm most concerned about the impending interview of accursed doom..
The outing with my supposedly best pals didn't go too well, either. It just was boring. And I felt myself suddenly starting to zone out every now and then, and I was sure they noticed and were impatient about that. So it's left a bitter aftertaste..
I'm determined to write my own fanfiction, and soon. I don't care!
Anyway I'll be off to eat now.. Before finishing my appointment.
P. S. I hate hate hate wasting my time!!!
Sunday, October 2, 2011
I feel terrible
Yes, as the title says, I really feel terrible. I feel like crying. I don't think I did well on my test at all! And after the test I think most ppl found it easy. What, I'm gonna be the worst now? I'm gonna have to suck it up? What the hell!!! I'm really exhausted. Emotionally, especially. I really, really want to be promoted. I'm so sick of this feeling bad. I hate life, really, I do. There aren't enough good fanfictions, not enough time to read them, everything is too hard. I hate feeling bad about myself. How am I going to do well at the goddamned interview if I can't speak confidently about my strong traits, as I can't when my grades don't show what I tell about myself? I hate this, I hate this! I feel like vomiting. I feel really gloomy. I hate hate hate this!
Languishing in the throes of procrastination
Ok, I have no idea what that title means. I suppose it has something to do with how I'm feeling now. It's 547pm, and I've just started on my maths revision - the last part which I hadn't done before today. I'm in no mood to study, and I admit it could be due to my mind already getting out of the study mood it was in last week, which is probably the result of me dear mind gorging on the wonder that is fanfiction. So yea, I'm a procrastinator right now.
Sometimes it strikes me how much of a glutton for suffering I am. Yea, I'm well aware of the effect fanfiction has on my mind, but I can't seem to stop myself. I'm well aware of the mental torture I'd undoubtedly be putting myself in if I continue procrastinating. I'm well aware of the sweet heartache I'll feel when I finish reading a well-written angst story, and even more when I know I don't read the sequel. But I still continue on my accursed path. Why, I wonder? I'm not sure, myself. Yes, just now I was reading this really good angst story about Harry potter defeating voldermort, who cursed him with the last of his magic so that the former gets transported back through time, where the Marauders and Snape are 7th year students. Pairing of snape and Harry, who's known as Jonathan frost. It's angst because in the end snape waits uselessly and faithfully for frost until 20years later, during which he feels the hope slowly shrivel up and perish within his slowly embittering and hardening heart. Boy does it make me want to weep. Can you believe I actually, in a way, enjoy this feeling? Yes, I think I'm crazy, too, thank you very much. Anyway. Though there's a sequel, I'm willing to leave it at that, meaning I won't read the sequel. It might mar my beautiful memory of the tale.
This afternoon was spent playing ps2 with my younger bro, again. Lol, at least no one can complain that I wasn't a good sister who didn't take the time to bond with my sibling. Homestly, there are times when I feel like I'm actually more immature than he is, and I'm 4 years older! Geez. What will I do with myself? I might talk a little more later, but for now, I don't know why I'm so relaxed...
Sometimes it strikes me how much of a glutton for suffering I am. Yea, I'm well aware of the effect fanfiction has on my mind, but I can't seem to stop myself. I'm well aware of the mental torture I'd undoubtedly be putting myself in if I continue procrastinating. I'm well aware of the sweet heartache I'll feel when I finish reading a well-written angst story, and even more when I know I don't read the sequel. But I still continue on my accursed path. Why, I wonder? I'm not sure, myself. Yes, just now I was reading this really good angst story about Harry potter defeating voldermort, who cursed him with the last of his magic so that the former gets transported back through time, where the Marauders and Snape are 7th year students. Pairing of snape and Harry, who's known as Jonathan frost. It's angst because in the end snape waits uselessly and faithfully for frost until 20years later, during which he feels the hope slowly shrivel up and perish within his slowly embittering and hardening heart. Boy does it make me want to weep. Can you believe I actually, in a way, enjoy this feeling? Yes, I think I'm crazy, too, thank you very much. Anyway. Though there's a sequel, I'm willing to leave it at that, meaning I won't read the sequel. It might mar my beautiful memory of the tale.
This afternoon was spent playing ps2 with my younger bro, again. Lol, at least no one can complain that I wasn't a good sister who didn't take the time to bond with my sibling. Homestly, there are times when I feel like I'm actually more immature than he is, and I'm 4 years older! Geez. What will I do with myself? I might talk a little more later, but for now, I don't know why I'm so relaxed...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
